She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
