You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
