then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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