Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
