Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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