go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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