don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
