I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
