Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
