R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
