I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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