it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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