Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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