i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
