even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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