can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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