My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
