i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
