Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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