how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
