who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
