You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
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May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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