don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
