Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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