He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
