he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
