Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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