i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
