Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
