im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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