so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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