dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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