She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
