Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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