Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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