i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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