When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
