we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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