she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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