I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
