It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We left an ass print on the piano.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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