i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
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I think I have vodka in my lungs
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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