dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
