i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize