The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
is wine microwaveable?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize