beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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