She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
