my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
