He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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