mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Randomize
