took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize