His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
