you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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