I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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