Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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