This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
