so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
