i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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