Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
