apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it glows. i had to have it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
