You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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