Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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