he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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